Beginning in the 1980's, study after study started showing that those who were more socially isolated

were much more likely to die during a given period than their socially connected neighbors, even after you corrected for age, gender, and lifestyle choices like exercising and eating right. Loneliness has been linked to an increased risk of cardiovascular disease and stroke and the progression of Alzheimer's.  One study found that it can be as much of a long-term risk factor as smoking.

The research doesn't get any rosier from there. In 2015, a huge study out of Brigham Young University,

using data from 3.5 million people collected over 35 years, found that those who fall into the categories of loneliness, isolation, or even simple living on their own see their risk of premature death rise 26 to 32 percent. 

Now consider that in the United States, nearly a third of people older than 65 live alone; by age 85, that

has jumped to about half. Add all of this up, and you can see why the Surgeon General is declaring loneliness to be a public health epidemic.

I'm hesitant to say I'm lonely, though I'm clearly a textbook case of the silent majority of middle-aged

men who won't admit they're starved for friendship, even if all signs point to the contrary. Not that I've been forced to recognize it, the question is what to do about it. Like really do about it. Because the tricks I've been using clearly do not work.

In February at a conference in Boston, a researcher from Britain's University of Oxford presented

study results that most guys understand intuitively; Men need an activity together to make and keep a bond... I hate the phone. My guy friends seem to share my feelings, because our phone conversations seem to naturally last about five minutes before someone says, "All right, I'll catch up with you later." Dudes aren't going to maintain a bromance that way, or even over a once-in-a-blue-moon beer. We need to go through something together. That's why... men tend to make their deepest friends through periods of intense engagement, like school or military service or sports. That's how many of us are comfortable.

Researchers have noticed a trend in photographs taken of people interacting. When female friends are

talking to each other, they do it face to face. But guys stand side-by-side, looking out at the world together. But in the middle years of life, those side-by-side opportunities to get together are exactly the sort of things that fall off. When you have a gap in your schedule, you feel bad running off with the fellas and leaving your partner alone to look for the shoes. And the guys that I'd like to spend time with are all locked in the exact same bind as me. Planning anything takes great initiative. and if you have to take initiative every time you see someone, it's easy to just let it disappear.

That's why research shows that the best way for men to forge and maintain friendships is through

built-in regularity, something that is always on the schedule.